Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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