My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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