maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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