Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's never too late to be topless.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Everclear isn't food dammit
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
