You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
