I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
