There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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