I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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