don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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