you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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