I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
