8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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