I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
not ubering you a puppy
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
