Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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