Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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