There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
