He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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