I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
