i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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