I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
