This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize