why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
