ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
