I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
