forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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