Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize