Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So much rum. So many feels.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
