i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
