oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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