The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize