Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Text me some of your sweat
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