Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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