i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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