Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
