I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
