If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She's the barista slut.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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