hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
