I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
