9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
