I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
