My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
