Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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