It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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