My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
