I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
