maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
