I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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