I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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