I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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