She said her name was "party"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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