I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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