All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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