he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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