Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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