Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
