we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
