Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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