tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
