escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
