dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
