I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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