i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
