Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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