why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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