apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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