maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the day after is always just damage control
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
