I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
