He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
