i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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