there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
