Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
