I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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