Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
