then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize