turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
