Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I will be naked everywhere
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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