my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
