I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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