I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize