my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
