Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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