We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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