If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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