go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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