there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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