How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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