I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
