So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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