The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
