All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
