...so i touched it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got inside last night via doggy door
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
