just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
