I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish I only lived at night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
