i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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