dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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