I think my vagina is haunted
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
