Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
