dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
