Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
