He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
