I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
