that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
