Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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