I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
