I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
