My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
