i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
