Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
