She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
