is wine microwaveable?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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