I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
