Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
